On Journaling, Crying, and Being Pathetic :)

My mom and I went to a class last night on the power of journaling.  The instructor led us through a series of five-minute exercises meant to demonstrate journaling as a method of "gaining new perspectives on problems and blocks, setting goals and monitoring progress, solving problems, and reducing stress."

The exercises were not designed to make us cry.  Of course, being the pathetic basket case that I am, I started sobbing during the very first assignment.  Yes, right there in class in front of the instructor, my mother, and the other journalers.  I wasn't even talking.  Just writing.

The specific assignment was to write about "Where I am Right Now."  Here, for your reading and sobbing pleasure, is what I wrote:

My children are leaving me.  My son is going away to college next year; my daughter has her emotional foot out the door and traveling the world with a backpack.  My little one isn't so little, and doesn't physically need me as much, although she's emotionally clingy.

It depresses me that a stage in my life is passing so quickly. When I stopped homeschooling full time, one of the hardest parts was losing my identity as a "homeschool mom."  I got over it. "Public school mom" was just as good.  Not having all my kids living at home, though, nearly makes me want to cry.  OK, it does make me cry, and I still have months with all of them and years with at least one.

And those years are passing in a blur of migraines and meds and missed events.  This is not the childhood I envisioned for my kids.