Thursday, February 12, 2009

Who Am I?

Who am I?  I'm a wife and mom, daughter and granddaughter, sister and aunt.  I'm a writer and a reader, and a knitter.  I'm also a migraineur - a chronic migraine sufferer.  And it's my migraineurship (I guess I made that word up) which, for ill or good, is defining my life these days.  But I don't want my identity to be solely, "Migraine Sufferer."

I started knitting as a way of making myself be productive instead of just laying around feeling sorry for myself.  I could (can) no longer work as a computer scientist.  I often can't think straight at all, between the pain and the meds.  But I don't have to think straight to knit.  I just have to knit.  Purl.  Knit.  Purl.  And I have to say I've made some beautiful things in this year of pain.



Same with the writing.  I can't drive myself to work, spend eight hours at a job which requires logic and attention, and then drive myself home -  but I can spend a few hours here and a few hours there writing.  At home, on my laptop, when I have a few blessed lucid hours straight.  It's taking a long time (over a year already) but my YA alternate-reality time-travel novel, Spinning Coins, is almost done.  I can go weeks or even months at a time without adding a chapter, but it's always there waiting for me.  Unlike my computer science job, where, oddly, they needed me there regularly.

I do have hopes of ending this seemingly-endless migraine abyss.  I already have an ONSTIM (Occipital Nerve Stimulation for the Treatment of Intractable Migraines) which gives me what lucid hours I have.  The ONSTIM is basically electrodes in my head which interrupt the pain signals between my occipital nerve and my brain.   (The rechargeable battery pack is in my left buttock; my nine-year-old is amused when I "can't get a signal out of my butt" to recharge it.)

And soon I'll be having surgery to fix my PFO (Patent Foramen Ovale), a tiny hole between the top two chambers of my heart.  PFOs have recently been linked to chronic migraines, since unfiltered blood can pass to the brain.   

In the meantime, I continue to try every migraine med known to man, and may go for Botox injections for other nerves soon, too.  

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